no big surprise is it..

As usual, it seems as if I'm complaining about life, but the fact is that I am explaining the situation in which I am finding myself. I have learned by now that I do not have the same mind as others. I do have a functional disorder even though I wish most of the time that I did not, and maybe it's time I realize and accept my limits. Maybe studies at university level (except languages) are too stressful for me to organize. The problem is that I want nothing more than to be focused and motivated but yet every time I find myself in the same situation of pure frustration of having lost my engine, again. The decision I have to make now is whether or not I will be able to cope with my brain collapsing every other week just to regain my strength and start all over again on turbo engine until my next collapse. This is the way I work: there is "in between" - mode. I either do it on turbo engine or I don not do it at all.

A friend said that it's ok if I just fuck it, fuck everyone else's expectations about my life, fuck feeling like a stupid untalented person with no future. The future is not just in your job, it's in you! I love you for telling me that, my dear friend. (the same friend also told me to get a job where I could show off my beauty:)